Good evening people... Was woken up from my beautiful nap by a horrible scream. It sounded like someone was being brutally murdered. In actual fact, it was Yvette screaming because Spunky almost ate our bak kua.

When I pulled on a t-shirt and came out of the room I saw the guy. I turned to walk back into my room but I didn't want to be rude. And I don't hold grudges. Wrote the following this afternoon but there was a problem with blogger.com. Some server crashed I think.

Good morning people! I'm in the same lab that I was in yesterday. Waiting for the specialist lab to be free so that I can do project with my group. Also waiting for matt... I wanted to go shopping for shoes but then I'm having second thoughts now. Feel like going home to rest. Lazy me...

Yet again, I'm thinking about her. I wonder if she even cares what I'm going through right now. I wonder if she would be interested to know about my life. Sometimes I really feel like messaging her the address to this blog. But it wouldn't matter to her would it? It wouldn't change anything? If she really cared, wouldn't she do something? Maybe its just wishful thinking. Sometimes I wonder whether God has told her anything else. I hope she isn't using God as an excuse. That would be very bad. For her and for me. I wonder why she said the things she did when we talked on the phone and when we chatted on ICQ. Is it regret? Or does she derive some perverse pleasure out of giving me hope and watching me crash again?

My greatest fear is that she would think I'm no longer interested in her... that I no longer care. But then again, I think if she actually sat down and thought about it, she'd know what I feel. Her 4 month promise just popped into my head again. I think there's about 3 months left? Part of me wants her to come back, another part of me wants her to be TRULY happy. If its with another guy, what can I do? Love isn't forced or controlled. Love is about choice. Just like the choice that God gave us. God loves us no matter what we do. Its our choice whether we want to respond to Him or not. Would you call God foolish? Would I be foolish if I still loved her? I have a speck of understanding what God feels.

Prodigal's son? I wonder how the father felt... I wonder many times he felt like giving up. I wonder if he ever felt like scolding God. I wonder if he ever had the urge to go search for his son. I wonder if he'd been called foolish. I wonder if he ever felt foolish. I wonder how many tears he shed. Why did she cry when she broke up with me? Was there something there? I remember when I broke up with Agnes during my secondary school days, I didn't cry. Why'd she cry? Pain? Regret? PITY?

I just realised something. Its exactly 3 months since she broke up with me. I wish I could just hold her tightly in my arms again.

::: Lyric of the Day :::
I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you
with every single word I said.
Would come out insightful or brave or smooth or charming
and you'd want to call me
And I would be there every time you'd need me
I'd be there every time...

But for now I'll look so longingly, waiting...
For you to want me, for you need me, for you to notice me